In Fear & Trembling

The road I walk now, is a little more...intimidating. I see that the world as I wanted it to be, is NOT. The ease I wanted in life, is NOT. (Or maybe that ease was laziness. I'm not sure...) But here I am, coming to realize, the ambition that fills me is a boldness I've never taken hold of before. So it clenches me with fear. I want to be ready. To take on things that can change the world. To be a leader. To be optimistic and determined to improve the world. And help people. And make a difference.

But like everyone who feels like they are just a drop in an ocean FULL of water, I find myself cowering in fear because I am too afraid of being smothered by the roaring waves, and overwhelmed by the greatness of each face in this sea. And I keep trying to convince myself that I'm not wise enough. That I don't dare try to be more.

And why am I this scared? Why can't I find the boldness to move out and touch the world--and share what I know.
I'm scared because I don't know who I'm becoming yet. I'm nervous to take a step out, because, I'll admit, I'm a person who doesn't want to fail. I'm so afraid to fail. Yet, I still don't want to find myself in ten years, not knowing where to move next, and too afraid to take a step out.

I'm a person who has the ambition, has the determination, has the vision, has the fire. But who needs the courage and boldness to step out, and trust that my God has a plan for me. And to have a little more faith when it comes to my future.

99 Balloons

This is such a beautiful story.

The Privilege Of Dirt

Okay, so if you're reading this now, you know something must be wrong with me. Maybe you saw the title and that's all it took. Maybe not. But you must be thinking, "how on earth can someone find something profound while playing in the dirt?"


My mind can be confusing. Even to me.
Deal.
But back on topic.

I thoroughly enjoyed playing in the dirt and rain today. I woke up, took one look outside, and decided I was going to have some fun. My immediate plans were to just dance in the rain for a few minutes, but that turned into, "Tim, come here, this is so much fun!" and it wasn't long before Tim, Sam, Steven, Michael and I were all running down the streets of Elgin, splashing and going crazy in the downpour. Mudsliding on the baseball diamond, nearly drowning in the flooded fields, kayaking on the boulevards, being laughed at by a short, funny man in a hoodie, and jumping in the pond with all our clothes, and even shoes on. I mean, that only gives you a glimpse of the fun we had.

But I was thinking later. We have fun, we enjoy getting dirty, because we KNOW we'll be able to get clean again. All we have to do is go home, take a shower, and wash our clothes.

You gotta realize how blessed you are. Don't even take the dirt for granted.

Little Miss... Impatient?

I kinda feel like it's time for something new. Some new experience, or I don't know, risk-taking. Haha. Although I'm realizing, the more I desire something new, the more I get sick of the things I'm already doing. Probably not a good thing. I need to finish the things I've started.
Of course, the fickle, somewhat impatient person that I am tells me it's fine to start something new while I'm busy with all the other things I'm involved in. It's like I overwhelm myself doing too many things.
Problem.

Finish something before you go and start something new.
Solution.

I'm just talking to myself...