The Hard Way

I am accustomed to this bitter taste now.

Somewhere I feel I'm still holding on.
I've never had to let a friend go.
Before.
You seem lost to me now.
But memories come as a flood.
I wish I could change everything back with two words.
Would two words do it?
Could they?
I'm sorry. 





How is it the memories
of mistakes we've made
escape some days?
But oh when they come,
They cut deeper than the wounds
We first inflicted.
They make us learn
The hard way.
Oh, the hard way.

We wish we had been different.
Well we are different now.
Starting over is a lot to ask for,
With memories flowing through our veins.
Memories like venom.
And we long for time to turn its heel,
So we can do things right.
But we can't.

We can turn our heads in retrospect,
But we can only go from here.

More Footnotes

To anyone who's wondering--I wasn't finished earlier. I have more footnotes. And I'll probably think up more after I post these too. Lucky you. Haha.

6. I believe that every man should write a poem for his wife. Or a song. No matter how awful he thinks it is. And it may just be my opinion, but I think that's one of the most romantic things ever. No matter how cheesy it may seem. That's all. :)

7. I have decided that I will not let myself be a grumpy and irritating old woman. I will be perfectly happy, even with sagging arms and wrinkles up the whazoo. Believe me, I'm gonna have fun.

8. I think pretzels may very well be one of the best foods on God's green earth. In any way shape or form (unless there's some gross manner in which they can be prepared that I am blindly unaware of) doesn't change the fact that they are simply amazing. The end.

9. I've developed a recent obsession with scarves. Didn't realize how phenomenal they truly are. And I felt the need to point that out.

10. My roommate just informed me of her great yearning to paint again. Well, amen sister.

Footnotes Of Sorts

Today I have decided upon a number of things.

1. One of my aims in life: to make my future home look as neat, tidy, and inspiring as the one's you find in an IKEA catalog. Yes, it's a quite irrational goal, but I can still dream.

2. I want to own a dog. A rather big dog (or perhaps moderately sized). One that doesn't smell awful (or that I can at least tolerate). And one that will lick my face to wake me up in the morning. Which would also require decent smelling breath. I'm asking a lot of a dog. I suppose this wish is a little more practical, but still somewhat futile.

3. I will never never never ever ever become a pack rat. I am far too obsessive compulsive. It's true. I clean out my closet a minimum of once a year and throw/give away anything that I never use, or that I know I never will. I am no friend of clutter.

4. Books are simply wonderful. If I could spend my money on any one thing it would be books. And furthermore what is fabulous--it would be no waste of money. Reckless? Yes. Rash? Of course! Stupid? Well, no. I can't say that is is. Books are simply wonderful, and there's nothing else to it. I can't wait to have my own library of them. :)

5.  I have come to the conclusion that I do, in fact, miss snow. It sounds like a bunch of huey--I know--coming from a northern girl, but it's true. I can't take this one-inch-at-a-time stuff. I need feet, people! I think hearing from people who have never had a white Christmas has truly saddened me and makes me appreciate all that my home brings. Although I have to clarify--as much as I love snow during winter, I believe no winter should last longer than 5 months. Once it reaches that milestone and goes beyond, it's pretty much ridiculous.

Don't Be Far Away Tonight

Maybe those reading have noticed--that when I'm exhausted, and my brain can't pump out anything productive, I result to song lyrics. (1) Because many times the lyrics already express perfectly what I'm feeling, and (2) BECAUSE I'M EXHAUSTED.

I think I've actually already posted these lyrics in the past. But I needed them now. And I'm grateful that God used them to comfort me all over again.

"Freedom comes in the morning time,
as the sun begins to shine on my face.
And even in the dark I'm not alone.
You guide me by the hand.
You won't let go.
And I know you'll carry me when I can't walk.

And you can shake the mountains with a whisper.
And you, you speak,
and I fall at your feet again.

You burned the chains off of my feet
that held me to the ground.
You let me rise.
Don't ever let me come back down,
or even live a day apart from you.
'Cause you lifted me higher than my doubts and fears.

And you can shake the mountains with a whisper.
And you, you speak,
and I fall at your feet.
And you are so beautiful.
And I am so in love with you.
You, you lead and I will follow close behind.

Now I'm waiting here for you,
and don't be far away tonight.
Lead me to the place where I can go and find rest
'Cause I'm so tired.
And now let me feel your breath on my face.

And you can shake the mountains with a whisper.
And you, you speak,
and I fall at your feet.
And you are so beautiful.
And I am so in love with you.
You, you lead and I will follow close behind."