A Very Tiresome Level of Worry

It is fearlessness that I desire most.

In the situations that make my heart ache, that make my mind dizzy, and make my stomach churn with worry.
A very tiresome level of worry. And complete weariness. Moments when my mind is consumed with nothing except the terrifying thought that I might lose control. That I might fail. That I will lose something.


Like a friend I hold dear.

I am so scared of failing, so scared of losing control sometimes, that I lose sight of God. I lose sight of the only one I can wholly rely on, for He is wholly in control.

I forget not only his sovereignty, but his faithfulness and goodness. His ability to transform ashes into something beautiful. To purify and renew that which has been stained and distorted. Even filthy sinners. And I constantly forget that all he asks me to do is simply trust him. To lay my worries--the things that plague my mind, body, and soul--at His feet. To believe that the people that I hold dear are indeed very dear to him too. And that He loves us.

My heart is ridden with worry, and aching, and fear. But unless I fully trust God, unless I lay my heart before him and put my worries in his hands, I will never know fearlessness.The fearlessness I seek is only gained by fully trusting my Savior and believing he can do what I deem impossible. As I have been reminded time and time again, nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37).