Moonlight

The clock blinked. 3:21am.
I don't know why I opened my eyes but I did. And I don't regret making that decision. As I shifted to my other side, my eyes caught a glimpse of a perfectly serene light spilling through my window frame. I lifted my heavy head and peered a bit to the right. My mouth fell open. This glowing orb of tranquil white shone down. It pierced through the darkness, straight into my heart. I haven't seen something that deeply inspiring in a very long while. My heart felt lighter. I rested my head back on the pillow, but continued to stare long and hard at the beauty that filled my eyes. It's strange, a warm feeling of comfort washed over me as I gazed at the simplicity that caused my awe.

Even at night, I have a light shining around me. I am not alone. Even when the rest of the world has bid their goodnights, He does not slumber.

Needless to say, I slept very well.

Clouds

"Oh Lord, why did you forsake me?
Oh Lord, don't be far away, away.
Storm clouds gathering beside me.
Please Lord, don't look the other way.
...The shadow proves the sunshine..."

Why is it that on the sunny days we notice the clouds that hang over our heads?
Then all of a sudden we feel the rain pouring down. We try to bounce back like nothing's hit us, but the puddles only deepen. Our wounds just fester. We convince ourselves, "we're okay." But then, we're always just "okay."

Shouldn't there be a world that's closer than dreams? It seems the things we seek are always at a distance, down a rocky path or high a-top a steep mountain. God, do you enjoy watching us climb? Why are the things that we dream of never within our grasp? We're always searching. Always searching for something that's already within our reach. Funny the way that is. All we need to do is lift up our eyes. All we need is to surrender.

At some point, we will realize that through indescribable happiness, as well as extreme pain, only one thing matters, and that is what we keep our focus on. Stumbles are part of the journey.

Clouds don't last forever.

Take Me Back To You

Lord, I'm in the dark. Seems to me the line is dead when I come calling. No one there--the sky is falling. Lord, I need to know. My mind is playing games again--You're right where You have always been.

Take me back to You, the place that I once knew as a little child. Constantly the eyes of God watched over me. Oh, I want to be in the place that I once knew as a little child. And fall into the bed of faith prepared for me.

I will rest in You,
I will rest in You,
I will rest in You.

Tell me I'm a fool. Tell me that You love me for the fool I am, and comfort me like only You can. And tell me there's a place where I can feel Your breath like sweet caresses on my face again.

Take me back to You, the place that I once knew as a little child. Constantly the eyes of God watched over me. Oh, I want to be in the place that I once knew as a little child. And fall into the bed of faith prepared for me.

I will rest in You,
I will rest in You,
I will rest in You.

I will rest in You,
I will rest in You,
I will rest in You...

Near

Her eyelids close tightly, and down her cheeks tumble the silent tears she fought so hard to keep inside. Another nightmare to face. She fights to wake up, all her efforts in vain. Another night of sitting ragged and tired, she weeps into the night. There is no one to hear her, yet she bottles her tears in fear. She doesn't want to be found. Doesn't want to be noticed. This is a secret war--a battle silently raging. No one can see that all she wants to do is give up and surrender.

"Forgive me," she says, "I can't understand. I don't have any words left I can say. I've begged you. I've pleaded that somehow, you would take it all away. And you leave me here to fight, robbed of strength, and crying out in pain. I'm sick of loneliness being my only friend.

You are able to calm oceans, and yet my tears flow unceasing. Where are you now? My sorrow veils my eyes. Everything is clouded with fear and doubt. In anger, my words pierce the air like arrows. I cannot speak the words I once did, for I have lost them. They have been buried in the panic that kisses me every day. I am so weak. I am torn into pieces.

Yet still, I have no refuge away from you. And who am I apart from you? I have become numb--convincing myself that there is nothing true and real. What have I done? Who am I trying to fool? I believe. Lord, help my unbelief. Erase my doubts. Pull me in. Your love--I need to feel it."

As she released another heavy breath, her eyelids closed for a peaceful minute.
Then she whispered into the silence, "God be near."