Near

Her eyelids close tightly, and down her cheeks tumble the silent tears she fought so hard to keep inside. Another nightmare to face. She fights to wake up, all her efforts in vain. Another night of sitting ragged and tired, she weeps into the night. There is no one to hear her, yet she bottles her tears in fear. She doesn't want to be found. Doesn't want to be noticed. This is a secret war--a battle silently raging. No one can see that all she wants to do is give up and surrender.

"Forgive me," she says, "I can't understand. I don't have any words left I can say. I've begged you. I've pleaded that somehow, you would take it all away. And you leave me here to fight, robbed of strength, and crying out in pain. I'm sick of loneliness being my only friend.

You are able to calm oceans, and yet my tears flow unceasing. Where are you now? My sorrow veils my eyes. Everything is clouded with fear and doubt. In anger, my words pierce the air like arrows. I cannot speak the words I once did, for I have lost them. They have been buried in the panic that kisses me every day. I am so weak. I am torn into pieces.

Yet still, I have no refuge away from you. And who am I apart from you? I have become numb--convincing myself that there is nothing true and real. What have I done? Who am I trying to fool? I believe. Lord, help my unbelief. Erase my doubts. Pull me in. Your love--I need to feel it."

As she released another heavy breath, her eyelids closed for a peaceful minute.
Then she whispered into the silence, "God be near."