Daydreaming

I've been thinking about where I'll be in the next five years. Or ten. Or twenty. Just daydreaming about all the thousands of possibilities that could be in store for me. It's quite exciting to dream about. And my dreams are always questions.

Who will I be married to? What will his laugh be like? What color will his eyes be? Will his hair be curly, wavy, straight, brown, black or blonde? Will he dance with me? Will he be an singer, architect, business man, farmer, or artist? Will he know how to cook?

How many children will we have? What will their names be? Will I smile at their giggles? Will I be a good mother? Will my children learn from me the things they need for life? Will they listen? Will I be patient? Will I nurture them well?

Where will we live? By the ocean? In the mountains? In the city? Will I have a spacious house or cozy apartment? Will I be content with it? Will it be clean or a little disorganized? Will I have a dog? Will I have a porch to sit on and watch the sun rise and set? Will I have a tire swing to watch my children play on?

Will I serve my husband and care for him well? Will I respect him, trust him, and show him my love? Will he always be there for me? Will we have a happily ever after? Will we live as servants of God? Will I be less selfish than I am now? Less conceited? Less worrisome? Less afraid? Oh, I pray that I will be.

I am so glad the Lord knows my dreams. And he knows my worries. He knows the desires of my heart. He knows me by name. He guides and directs me.

"It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.

He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights."

--Psalm 18:32-33

I have dreams. But I live in excitement that God's plans for my future will be beyond my wildest dreams. I cannot dream of how wonderful it will be and all the blessings he has in store. How can I fathom it? But I live in patience and trust that he is good, and he is faithful. The dreams I have now are questions, but I know my future will be an exclamation! Something I will long to declare: "My God is faithful! Hallelujah!"

Unquestioning

Ah, there are so many things I could write about, but nothing I really want to say.
I hope that's okay with you--the person I can imagine is reading this--and that you are not wasting too much time by sitting down to read this. :)

Today I went to a new restaurant. Well, it wasn't really new, I just happened to be there for the first time. It's a little coffee shop & cafe. And of course, I was very critical of the iced latte I had. Being a former barista, sometimes I wish I was a little more ignorant when it comes to judging things like the quality of coffee (though I am also grateful to have such knowledge and discernment). Mine was poorly stirred and a little too watered down, but it wasn't the latte, or the bran muffin my mom and I shared, that made my day.

While we was sitting at the little round table in this small cafe, this adorable little boy walked over to me and just climbed up on my lap. He looked up at me with his mile-wide smile and sparkling eyes and just melted me. He was so thrilled just to sit there and look up at the fan on the ceiling above us, and at my phone on the small table in front of him. His dad looked over at him giggling and smiled, and then asked if he wanted some of the soda or Teddy Grahams he had been snacking on. So I helped him climb down off my lap. And once his feet were planted on the floor, he looked over at his daddy and the orange soda bottle in his hand, then back up at me almost as if to say "Hm, I'm not sure which is better..."

Then, after no more than 10 seconds of deciding, he reached his arms up in the air for me to whisk him up off the floor onto my lap again. Problem for him was, his daddy was a little quicker, and before he and I knew it, he was up in his dad's arms. And all of a sudden he just burst into tears and started crying and crying for me to take him back so he could sit on my lap again. At this point my mom and I were getting up to leave because we had finished our drinks. His dad laughed and said "Hey, you want to take him home with you?" We laughed and talked with him for a minute before stepping out the door.

One bold little boy that only sat on my lap for two minutes, with absolutely no thoughts or worries about who I was, just made my day. He trusted that I would be kind to him and take care of him. Sometimes I think we need this boldness with God. We need to just trust that he'll take care of us, and stop worrying that our lives will fall apart if they don't go the way we've planned. We don't need to ask questions. We just need to have faith.

It really is the small things that change your perspective sometimes.

Rubbish

I think I should take this time to take a deep breath--inhale, and exhale.
I've been feeling extremely discouraged and unhappy about how my whole job search is going. Getting past fifty applications was not a joyful milestone. To be honest, I'm tired of being patient. I'm tired of waiting on God's timing, and that sounds horrible--it is horrible--but since I feel like nothing is changing, and no job is in sight, it's been easy to get downhearted.

I would be lying through my teeth if I said I can't feel God working. The evidence of his goodness and grace come ten fold. Everyday he opens my eyes to beauty that is almost overwhelming. Every time I think about where I could be and the things I could have, he wakes me up to show me the things I really should desire. God is leading me through a valley but I am no longer afraid. When you hold on to the hand that guides you, beautiful things happen. You experience overwhelming joy.

Approaching this job search with unhappiness, impatience, and worry was all too wrong. So, back to square one. I've decided to have a new attitude. Instead of worrying about all the things I'm missing out on, I need to focus on the things I can do, the actions I can take, the ways God can use me and the things he will have me do.

"What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ." (Philippians 3:8)