Struck

Okay, I'll make this real quick, since I have to finish packing for summer camp today.
Yesterday evening, I decided to take a walk with Annie. I had already walked out the door, and realized that I had forgotten my cell-phone. I normally call friends when I'm walking my dog, just to take a break from my own life, and see what's going on in someone else's. But today, I guess, God didn't want me to take my cell-phone. Either that or I was too lazy to go back in the house and get it. I'm thinking it was more the former reason.
Anyhow, I stopped for a minute and said a quick prayer. I really needed time to be still, and let God flow over me. Boy, did he ever.

I didn't really feel it until I kept on walking. Instead of going the normal route, down the quiet, undisturbed end of our neighborhood, I went the other way. Ironically, our whole neighborhood (including the usually noisy, angry end) was rather peaceful. As I turned the corner, I noticed my hispanic neighbors playing in their yard. The dad kept on picking up his daughter, spinning her around with him and then landing her gently back onto the seat of her bicycle. I was approaching them, and to be honest, was feeling a little embarrassed walking right through their lives, just watching what they were doing. But as I neared the dad, I made the split-second decision to smile. Just smile.
And what came next surprised me. I don't know why it did either.
But the dad just smiled back. I don't mean a side, put-on-a-happy-face, smile. It was real, happy, and extremely genuine smile. It was meaningful in a way that proved me wrong. Proved to me, that not everyone hides and puts on a smile to make sure the world thinks they're happy.
For some reason, it just shattered everything I had previously expected from this person, and gave me a whole new perspective.

Makes me think about how truly narrow minded I can be. How I just EXPECT my world to always be against me, then I'm totally surprised when I find out that it's not always so horrible as it seems. And that other people are going through things too. That I'm not the only one.
Sometimes the world can be downright awful, and really push my optimism down the drain.
But I'm not one to leave it there. I can be incredibly pessimistic sometimes, but not a day goes by that I don't look into the future with hope, with confidence, and with determination.

To bring out the good in the world, and make known who makes it so good. Who made everything.

So, I kept walking. Now, I had already become washed over with a new perspective on life. Not in my own life, but actually someone else's (without talking on a cell-phone).
As I got about half-way around the block, the breeze starting blowing through my hair. It was one of those seriously PERFECT breezes. The perfect temperature, the perfect ferocity, and the perfect setting. Everything about it made me close my eyes, and drink it in.

I seriously couldn't believe how amazing it felt. I felt like God himself was raking his fingers through my hair, like he was holding me. And I don't think I could even describe how it made me feel. I completely forgot about everything I was going through--my struggles, my worries about the future, everything. And only one thing came to my mind--the one person I had been hoping would come, and wash over me, and just put me at peace--God. My Savior. My Refuge. My Hope. My Redeemer. My Father.

And all the things that I was thinking about and stressing over, completely dissolved. I was able to just STOP, be STILL, and think about the fact that my life was in His hands. I felt so helpless, but yet, at the same time, so loved. So cared for. So at home.

I finally came to the last turn around my block, and I turned around for a moment.
The sky was open, and the clouds lined in procession, were making way for the sun.

I gazed at it for a few minutes and just smiled. All this for us. All these wonderful people who come into our lives. All this beautiful creation to explore and maintain. All the experiences we go through in order to become closer to our Maker.

I often wonder why I don't stand dumbfounded and amazed at all of it everyday. Why I can't see how amazing God is DAILY. Every MINUTE, every SECOND of every day.

No breath without his giving it to me.
And that is humbling.
I was struck.

Inspiration

I had it all together in words while I pondered it earlier. But now, it seems that those sayings of seemingly deep importance, words that I feel would have made even the most intelligent minds stop to think, have floated off to some place... somewhere deeper. They will probably be stirred up again later, but in the present moment, it seems unfair! To have such words in your head, that remain long enough to spark intrigue, and determination, and inspiration, but then are pulled away before your mind can wrap its fingers around them to inspire others.

I often wonder if I have the same thoughts others do. I don't mean just simple, everyday thoughts.
Can I have thoughts that no one else on this earth can have?
If this is true, it makes the frustration of forgetting those deeply important words, even more discouraging.

Sometime it's incredibly hard for me to get my feelings across, especially my own words. How I feel, what I've experienced, what I love, who I am.

I have found a way to make it a little easier though--a way to get a least a piece of my mind across the void. Sometimes one person can't express their thought about something adequately enough. Since some people share their own thoughts, the people who do express their words adequately can spark the minds of those who have forgotten, and make their unspoken thoughts shine.

It is enlivening to hear the words of people who don't think the way I do, who are completely opposite of me, and who bring something to the table that I've never thought of.
But I am always sparked by the people who think the way I do, who write the way I want to, and who see things in the depth that I see them. People who perceive things differently.

When I read these individuals' writings, I feel like I have finally found something who has touched the depths of my soul--found someone who knew what I was thinking, and wanted to show me what they had already found.

So I can do the same.

You Can Shake The Mountains

Freedom comes in the morning time
as the sun begins to shine on my face,
and even in the dark,
I'm not alone.

You guide me by the hand, you won't let go.
And I know you'll carry me when I can't walk.


And you can shake the mountains with a whisper
And you, you speak, and
I fall at your feet

again.

You burned the chains off of my feet, that held me to the ground.

You let me rise,
don't ever let me come back down
or even live a day apart from you
'cause you lifted me higher than my doubts and fears.

And you can shake the mountains with a whisper
And you, you speak and I fall at your feet.
And you are so beautiful.
And I am so in love with you.


You, you lead and I will follow close behind.

Now I'm waiting here for you
and don't be far away tonight...

Lead me to the place where I can go and find rest
'cause I'm so tired.

And now let me feel your breath on my face.

You can shake the mountains with a whisper
And you, you speak and I fall at your feet
And you are so beautiful,
And I am so in love with you.

You, you lead and I will follow close behind.

-Lifehouse

Waves Crashing Over Me

It's time for healing, time to move on.

         It's time to fix what's been broken too long.
                           Time make right what has been wrong.

It's time to find my way to where I belong
       There's a wave that's crashing over me
            
And all I can do is surrender.

Whatever You're doing inside of me, 
             it feels like chaos but somehow 
                                             there's peace.

It's hard to surrender to what I can't see, 
                      but I'm giving in to something Heavenly.

Time for a milestone,
     time to begin again,
            re-evaluate who I really am.

Am I doing everything to follow Your will
              or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?

So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender to
          whatever You're doing inside of me.

It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace.
             It's hard to surrender to what I can't see, 
                        
                      but I'm giving in 
                                to something Heavenly.

Time to face up, clean this old house.
            Time to breathe in and 
                                 let 
                                    everything 
                                             out

                             that I've wanted to say for so many years.


            Time to release all my held back tears.

Whatever You're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos,
             but I believe you're up to something bigger than me,
                                          larger than life... 
                                                  something Heavenly.

Whatever You're doing inside of me,
        it feels like chaos but now I can see that 
                               this is something bigger than me,
                                         larger than life...
                                                 something Heavenly.
Something Heavenly.

It's time to face up, 
     clean this old house.



Time to breathe in
                   and let everything out.

Whatever You're Doing // (Sanctus Real)