Take Me Back To You

Lord, I'm in the dark. Seems to me the line is dead when I come calling. No one there--the sky is falling. Lord, I need to know. My mind is playing games again--You're right where You have always been.

Take me back to You, the place that I once knew as a little child. Constantly the eyes of God watched over me. Oh, I want to be in the place that I once knew as a little child. And fall into the bed of faith prepared for me.

I will rest in You,
I will rest in You,
I will rest in You.

Tell me I'm a fool. Tell me that You love me for the fool I am, and comfort me like only You can. And tell me there's a place where I can feel Your breath like sweet caresses on my face again.

Take me back to You, the place that I once knew as a little child. Constantly the eyes of God watched over me. Oh, I want to be in the place that I once knew as a little child. And fall into the bed of faith prepared for me.

I will rest in You,
I will rest in You,
I will rest in You.

I will rest in You,
I will rest in You,
I will rest in You...

Near

Her eyelids close tightly, and down her cheeks tumble the silent tears she fought so hard to keep inside. Another nightmare to face. She fights to wake up, all her efforts in vain. Another night of sitting ragged and tired, she weeps into the night. There is no one to hear her, yet she bottles her tears in fear. She doesn't want to be found. Doesn't want to be noticed. This is a secret war--a battle silently raging. No one can see that all she wants to do is give up and surrender.

"Forgive me," she says, "I can't understand. I don't have any words left I can say. I've begged you. I've pleaded that somehow, you would take it all away. And you leave me here to fight, robbed of strength, and crying out in pain. I'm sick of loneliness being my only friend.

You are able to calm oceans, and yet my tears flow unceasing. Where are you now? My sorrow veils my eyes. Everything is clouded with fear and doubt. In anger, my words pierce the air like arrows. I cannot speak the words I once did, for I have lost them. They have been buried in the panic that kisses me every day. I am so weak. I am torn into pieces.

Yet still, I have no refuge away from you. And who am I apart from you? I have become numb--convincing myself that there is nothing true and real. What have I done? Who am I trying to fool? I believe. Lord, help my unbelief. Erase my doubts. Pull me in. Your love--I need to feel it."

As she released another heavy breath, her eyelids closed for a peaceful minute.
Then she whispered into the silence, "God be near."

The Valley Song

"You have led me to the sadness.
I have carried this pain on a back bruised, nearly broken.
I'm crying out to you.

I will sing of Your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy.

When death, like a gypsy, comes to steal what I love, I will still look to the heavens.
I will still seek your face.

But I fear you aren't listening because there are no words--just the stillness and the hunger for a faith that assures.

I will sing of Your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy.

Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia, alleluia.

While we wait for rescue with our eyes tightly shut, face to the ground using our hands to cover the fatal cut.

And though the pain is an ocean, tossing us around, around, around, You have calmed greater waters--higher mountains have come down.

I will sing of Your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy.

Yeah.

Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia, alleluia.

Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia, alleluia.

Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia, alleluia."

--Jars of Clay

No More Holding My Breath

It finally happened. The 153rd time (a rough estimate) I dropped my phone, the screen finally cracked. The first thing I did was run frantically to my room for the manual to see what my warranty included. And of course, it doesn't cover any accidents you yourself cause. That's just lame.

But there's a little twist. For the last month or two, my phone's been freezing up frequently in the process of sending text messages. I've been meaning to call to find out what the problem is and what I can do to get it fixed, but I just keep putting it off.

I felt a little guilty that this accident was my motivation, but I did send them a message today:

"For the past month or so, my phone has been freezing up occasionally when sending a text message. The only way I am able to get it to work again is by removing the battery (the phone won't turn off by pressing the power button), putting it back in, and then turning it on again.
It doesn't affect the phone in any way, but it's very frustrating.

Today, I dropped my phone on the corner of my bed and the screen cracked.

Now I'm not sure how to approach the situation. I was going to contact Virgin Mobile earlier about the first problem and see if the warranty would cover a new battery, or at least getting someone to find out why the screen freezes up.

I understand that the warranty would not cover a replacement phone, since I am at fault for dropping it, but if you could please let me know what options I have, I would be grateful.

Thank you."

It was hard to be honest. In the back of my mind, I feel sure that they're not going to be very generous. And selfishly, I want to get a new phone out of it. Even though it's my fault, I still want someone else to fix it for me. I don't want it to be my problem. Wow. Talk about selfish. All I think about is me.

I wrote the note as carefully as I could, navigating my emotions because I didn't want it to come across like I was trying to "twist their arm" into giving me a new phone.

It's one of those situations where you can feel the angel on one shoulder, and the devil on the other, breathing down your neck. As much as I want a new phone, I think I need to feel the consequences of my actions.

Patience is not my forte, nor is selflessness.
But God is good. He is growing me in the little things.