Merry Go Round

So I guess I'm stuck.
I'm stuck on this merry-go-round. It's fun to be on, but I'm really just sitting there watching the world go by. Going through the routine, and hoping that some new adventure will start, or something different will happen this time, or even that I'll just...magically become a different person.
I think the person I hope to be is someone far away from the person I try to be. I'm trying and trying, looking at my goals, but then doing nothing to achieve them. It's like banging my head against a wall.

Routine is comfortable. Maybe that's the problem. I get so used to it that I don't want to change. I want something else to happen but I don't want to be the one to make it happen.

I'm stuck on that merry-go-round a heck of a lot more that I should be. It's time to get off and do something. I'm sick of watching everyone else go by. It's my turn.

Silent Night

We closed early tonight at work. The roads were slick, and the snow was coming down like rain, dancing in layers onto the trees, cars, and everything else in my little part of the earth. It's crazy how often I don't notice the beauty in those little flakes. But on this wintry night, since I was waiting for my ride home, I had an extra five minutes. I was left alone in a space filled with the most magical feeling of warmth and hope. And for this five minutes, I experienced the most peace I've felt in a long while. Despite the faint hum of a train whistle, and the occasional car sludging by, everything was completely quiet and I began to sing. On my silent night, there was one bright, clear, shining star that reminded me of a night a long time ago. On my silent night, I sang of a , our Savior, who was born in a bed of straw, on a night very similar to mine. On this silent night, my heart was quieted and satisfied as I remembered the gift I had been given, long before I even came into existence, and the gift that I can now give back at Christmas, and throughout the entire year.

Don't Close Your Eyes

iTunes was up today. Well, it generally always is, haha. But somehow Genius decided that Switchfoot's song "This Is Your Life" belonged on my playlist. I haven't heard it in a while, and I forgot how much I love the melody, not to mention the words.

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead.
Yesterday is a promise that you've broken.
Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes.
This is your life and today is all you've got now.
Yeah, and today is all you'll ever have.
Don't close your eyes.
Don't close your eyes.

This is your life. Are you who you want to be?This is your life. Are you who you want to be? This is your life. Is it everything you dreamed that it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose?

Yesterday is a kid in the corner.
Yesterday is and over.
This is your life. Are you who you want to be?This is your life. Are you who you want to be? This is your life. Is it everything you dreamed that it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose?

Don't close your eyes.Don't close your eyes.Don't close your eyes.Don't close your eyes.
This is your life. Are you who you want to be
This is your life. Are you who you want to be
This is your life. Are you who you want to be?This is your life. Are you who you want to be? This is your life. Is it everything you dreamed that it would be,
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose?

And you had everything to lose.

I started thinking about something my friend Andrew shared with me a couple years ago before he graduated:
This is your life. But are you who God wants you to be?

And I've just been chewing on that all morning....

He Has Done Great Things For Me

And Mary said:

"My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble state of his servant.

From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me—holy is his name.

His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation.

He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts.

He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble.

He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty.

He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful to Abraham and his descendants forever, even as he said to our fathers."

The Book of Luke, Chapter One, Verses Forty-Six Through Fifty Five

Oh, How The Years Go By

Today, on the first day of December, I woke up to a fluffy white layer of snow, blanketing every tree and house on our street. What a beautiful way to start the winter season. I'm not being sarcastic. Even if our Chicago winters last a good five months, it's hard not to get excited. No matter how cold it gets, it's snow--endless fun.

But it seems, it's only been a couple of months since last year's first snowfall.

This year has gone by faster than any other year so far in my life. There's one inevitable thing about becoming older that is somewhat depressing--the years always go by lightning fast. No matter how many things I do in a day or how many experiences I go through, time always goes by much faster than I expect.
When I was younger, I was much more ignorant and oblivious to the things that went on around me and even the concept of time itself. The world revolved around me. That was it. But now, as I'm growing older, time is constantly becoming sacred. When I come to the overwhelming realization that 24 hours a day hardly ever seems like enough, I learn to treasure them and think more often about the way I spend them.


“Time is free, but it's priceless.
You can't own it, but you can use it.
You can't keep it, but you can spend it.
Once you've lost it, you can never get it back.”
--Harvey McKay

What Life Would Be Like

I wish I was more of a man. Have you ever felt that way?

And if I had to tell you the truth, I'm afraid I'd have to say that after all I've done and failed to do, I feel like less than I was meant to be.

What if I could fix myself? Maybe then I could get free.
I could try to be somebody else who's much better off than me.

But I need to remember this: that it's when I'm at my weakest, I can clearly see...

He made the lame walk and the dumb talk and He opened blinded eyes to see
That the sun rises on His time yet He knows our deepest desperate need.

And the world waits, while His heart aches, to realize the dream.



I wonder what life would be like if we let Jesus live through you and me?




What if you could see yourself through another pair of eyes?

What if you could hear the truth instead of old familiar lies?

What if you could feel inside the power of the hand that made the universe?

You'd realize that He made the lame walk and the dumb talk and He opened blinded eyes to see. That the sun rises on His time yet He knows our deepest desperate need.

And the world waits, while His heart aches, to realize the dream.


I wonder what life would be like if we let Jesus live through you and me?


All our hearts they burn within us.
All our lives we've longed for more.

So let us lay our lives before the one who gave His life for us...

Growing Up

A mad rush of days in a week without parents, and it's not hard to find yourself wondering what the real world is going to be like.
Immediately thrust into responsibilities you never really thought about.
Yeah. Those.

Filling up the car with gas.
Balancing the checkbook.
Doing the dishes.
Getting out of bed.
MAKING the bed.
L-a-u-n-d-r-y.
Arriving at places ON TIME.
Making dinner.
Scheduling without over-scheduling.
Grocery shopping.
Budgeting...

Uh, yeah.
Just to name a few.

Responsibilties are necessary, and overwhelming sometimes, especially keeping track of them all. However, the more responsibility you have, the better prepared you'll be if things change, and the more efficient you'll be when you have to adapt to those changes.

It's fun to look forward to growing up. I do constantly, but don't try to be independent on your own. Listen to people when you can, and learn as much as you can, as often as you can. It's always a good thing. Advice doesn't always come by the bucketload, so take it when it's offered and be teachable.

Now & Forevermore

I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber. Indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you—the LORD is your shade at your right hand. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm—he will watch over your life. The LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore."

Anticipation

I'm a weirdo. I haven't sent in a single application yet (I'm working on like five at once...), but I'm already brimming with the anticipation of opening up that first letter of acceptance and running and screaming and dancing around the house like a crazy person. Looking to that feeling is what keeps me going as I drag through application after application. Makes me EXCITED!

I'M

SO

READY

FOR

COLLEGE!

The Sunrise That Pierced The Earth

Hey, for once in an afternoon, I have the time to sit down and write for a minute.
It has been such a beautiful week! The sunrise yesterday pierced the whole earth, or at least my block of it, with a rosy pink and orange light.





It certainly made my morning, and now I definitely appreciate daylight savings time just a wee bit more. Of course, that's easy to do in the fall when you wake up at 5 and realize you don't have to hit the snooze button and can go back to sleep for another hour with a smile of relief on your face instead of a grimace of guilt and shame. It's wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.
Living in Chicago makes you appreciate the fall a little more too, since it only lasts for about two weeks and then the six-month winter obnoxiously barges in. Yesterday it was warm and comfortable. Today, we have frigid winds and icy beads of snow. I'm shaking my head if you can't tell.

If you didn't get to enjoy yesterday though, I'll share my photos with you.
Advice: dig out some thick, WARM, ski socks, find a comfy sweatshirt, and grab a book and something hot to drink. Just don't pull out your Christmas music yet. Enjoy your November while it lasts.

In Fear & Trembling

The road I walk now, is a little more...intimidating. I see that the world as I wanted it to be, is NOT. The ease I wanted in life, is NOT. (Or maybe that ease was laziness. I'm not sure...) But here I am, coming to realize, the ambition that fills me is a boldness I've never taken hold of before. So it clenches me with fear. I want to be ready. To take on things that can change the world. To be a leader. To be optimistic and determined to improve the world. And help people. And make a difference.

But like everyone who feels like they are just a drop in an ocean FULL of water, I find myself cowering in fear because I am too afraid of being smothered by the roaring waves, and overwhelmed by the greatness of each face in this sea. And I keep trying to convince myself that I'm not wise enough. That I don't dare try to be more.

And why am I this scared? Why can't I find the boldness to move out and touch the world--and share what I know.
I'm scared because I don't know who I'm becoming yet. I'm nervous to take a step out, because, I'll admit, I'm a person who doesn't want to fail. I'm so afraid to fail. Yet, I still don't want to find myself in ten years, not knowing where to move next, and too afraid to take a step out.

I'm a person who has the ambition, has the determination, has the vision, has the fire. But who needs the courage and boldness to step out, and trust that my God has a plan for me. And to have a little more faith when it comes to my future.

99 Balloons

This is such a beautiful story.

The Privilege Of Dirt

Okay, so if you're reading this now, you know something must be wrong with me. Maybe you saw the title and that's all it took. Maybe not. But you must be thinking, "how on earth can someone find something profound while playing in the dirt?"


My mind can be confusing. Even to me.
Deal.
But back on topic.

I thoroughly enjoyed playing in the dirt and rain today. I woke up, took one look outside, and decided I was going to have some fun. My immediate plans were to just dance in the rain for a few minutes, but that turned into, "Tim, come here, this is so much fun!" and it wasn't long before Tim, Sam, Steven, Michael and I were all running down the streets of Elgin, splashing and going crazy in the downpour. Mudsliding on the baseball diamond, nearly drowning in the flooded fields, kayaking on the boulevards, being laughed at by a short, funny man in a hoodie, and jumping in the pond with all our clothes, and even shoes on. I mean, that only gives you a glimpse of the fun we had.

But I was thinking later. We have fun, we enjoy getting dirty, because we KNOW we'll be able to get clean again. All we have to do is go home, take a shower, and wash our clothes.

You gotta realize how blessed you are. Don't even take the dirt for granted.

Little Miss... Impatient?

I kinda feel like it's time for something new. Some new experience, or I don't know, risk-taking. Haha. Although I'm realizing, the more I desire something new, the more I get sick of the things I'm already doing. Probably not a good thing. I need to finish the things I've started.
Of course, the fickle, somewhat impatient person that I am tells me it's fine to start something new while I'm busy with all the other things I'm involved in. It's like I overwhelm myself doing too many things.
Problem.

Finish something before you go and start something new.
Solution.

I'm just talking to myself...

Opportunities

It seems like the contents of my day went by pretty quickly. Work, homework, and then off to the orientation. So when I finally got home, it was pretty much the first chance I had gotten all day to sit down and just think.

And I guess I was kind of expecting my thoughts to be something along the lines of, "Ouch, my feet hurt (which would come as no surprise)," or "Oh my gosh, I can't believe school starts on Monday." But no.

Thoughts start filling my head, somewhat upsettingly of, but more so bringing to light, an important detail: how selfish and stubborn I can be. And sometimes how resolute I can be against change, which is kind of ironic to me, because I desire to see a change in myself. I desire to see a change in the world. I desire to change the world. But day after day, time and time again, I wake up, and go about my day, me-focused, and obstinate.

Fail.

So, last night, thoughts tumbling, I just sat thinking.
Thinking about HOW, how on earth, could I change it so that I can wake up each morning, EVERY day, and think about who I am, or rather, who I am becoming, and SHOULD be, in God's eyes? And I constantly ask Him to fill me with his Spirit, so that I can wake up each day, and be who he's made me to be.

Now: that rude awakening.

I think everyone comes to a point where they think they've failed, and are positive that they can't go back and fix it. I guess I'm a person who believes, it's never too late to try. It's never too late to apologize. It's never too late to go back and finish something you've started. And it's never too late to try to succeed in something you failed in. Make wrongs right, et cetera.

But as I live each moment, I do think about all the things I can do to avoid looking back, regretting something I've done.

I look at it this way: if I have the opportunity to fail, it also means I have the opportunity to succeed. And there's a choice involved.

You can choose to live like no one else exists, and like you're the only one who's important. That'll be a scary wake-up call when you stop dreaming. Or you can live every day for God, choosing to help, encourage, and commune with his people.

Just DON'T live in the middle. Don't mix it all together. Don't be lukewarm.

I hope I haven't lost you too much. I tend to just write, and write, and write, and write, and write....

I guess, if I have a main point here, it would be this:

Each day, you are given dozens and dozens of opportunites to be bold and reach out. Chances to talk to people you may have never met in your life, chances to help people, chances to share, chances to encourage. Just remember, these are opportunities. What have you got to lose?

Okay. Forgive me. That was really really long.
I'm sorry. I think a lot. And this is just one of the few times I decide to write it down. Although, these things never end up the way I planned to write them in the beginning...

Oh well.
Thanks for reading.

Lyds

Numbers 6:24-26

Tomorrow

Things were kind of a jumble today. As of this moment, it's just a bunch of thoughts going, so I'll just throw some stuff out there.
I kind just bounced from one thing to the other today.
I actually enjoyed "sleeping in" since I didn't have to be at work until ten, and homework wasn't pending. I think today's the first day in ages I've actually woken up with a full eight hours of sleep. Amen to that because I needed for the rest of the day.

Side note: it's so much easier to think about all the things that happened today than trying to write it all down. Thoughts flow a lot easier than sentences ...aye.

And actually, second side note: on a split second decision, I think I'm going to get off, do something more constructive, then go to sleep. I'll write about my day today, tomorrow.

Peace and good night.
Liddy

Good day.

Today might've been somewhat of a normal day. But hey, who am I to judge, and what is normal anyway?

It was my third day on the job, so things were a little easier than the last few days. I think I'm finally getting the hang of the cash register, and even making lattes. Haha.
It was raining most of the day, but since we had more customers, I was busy, and hardly noticed. I kept myself occupied making paninis and caffeinating myself. I have to admit, I'm starting to have a slight addiction to the mochas.
Overall, the day went by pretty quickly, and I got to meet some of the regulars, and make the Code Blue panini recipe. Haha. It's secret. Shhh...

I think I get too excited about all the wonderful things that happen in a day, but twenty-four hours is so short!

I should be done blogging now. I have to go make dinner. But thank you to anyone who tipped me today! I didn't realize how generous people can be. Obviously a very pleasant surprise. :]

Good day to you all.
Time to go get some more mocha... ;)

--Liddy

You Make Me A Butterfly

This moment.
I feel like a butterfly.
I'm finally waking up.
I'm breaking out.
I'm seeing the world.
And I think I'm almost ready to fly.

I'm still learning, and I always will be.
Will You watch over me?
These wings alone cannot carry me.
Hold me up and don't let me go.
I trust You.
Because I know You will fly with me.

I have the urge to take off.
I can already see myself soaring.
But tell me if that's a dream.
Tell me when I'm getting too ahead of myself.
Because I'm still looking for direction.
And I don't know which way I'm supposed to go.

You're the only one who can show me the right way.
You've flown this way before.
You know the burdens I will have on this back.
You do.
Because You've carried them before.

Sometimes I still feel like a worm.
My heart is still ugly.
And I don't always live like I've been born again.

Sometimes I still think like a worm,
and try to do things the way I used to.

And I fail.
I do.
Because I realize I'm living backwards.
I'm messing up and rewinding when I should be moving forward.

My spirit is strong.
My desire is unwaivering.
My mind and heart are filled with hope and with love.
And my very being, overflowing with passion and determination!

But oh, my wings are not ready.
All I need is one push.

I need someone to hold me.
And guide me.
And protect me.

And now I know...
All I really need, is

You.

Because You are beautiful.
You.

Make my heart beautiful.
Then, I can fly.

When You are with me, I can soar.
And I will have no fear.
Because I cannot fall from your arms.

You give me wings and help me fly.
You overwhelm me.
I am Yours.

And though I will always still have a little worm in me.
You make me a butterfly.

It's Your Turn

I don't think it's called writer's block. I just can't think of anything to write about.
What I mean is, at least at the moment, I have lots of ideas, and lots of topics, but nothing that's flowing. So it's your turn.

Tell me something. ANYTHING. Something about your day that you found interesting, exciting, moving, crazy, inspiring, or anything. Tell me about that book you're reading. Tell me about that awesome picture you just took with your camera. Tell me about how your phone died while you were in the middle of a conversation with someone. Tell me a long saga about something in your life. Tell me about that paper you're trying to write. Tell me about how the summer is going WAY too fast (but just FYI, I've already heard that, and another FYI, I agree...). WHATEVER. Just tell me. I don't care if it's eloquent. I don't care if you think I'll think you're stupid for writing (because I won't) it. Believe me, I'll be excited if more than three people write something back to me. JUST TELL ME.

I honestly want to know about what's going on in your life for a change. Sometimes I feel selfish writing about myself and my thoughts all the time. I want to know what keeps you thinking.

Photo courtesy of: http://wp.li.ru/flowers/flowers_011.jpg

Learning How To Choose

By now I've realized that life is nothing short of an abundance of decisions.
Time after time I have to make hard choices, so how do I choose?

Lately, I've noticed something in myself I've been praying for for a long time. In each decision I make, I have begun to think about things differently. I no longer just think about who I am, and how this choice will affect me. I am able to put things into perspective and think about the people it will affect in the long run, or if it will even benefit others, let alone myself.
I can constantly feel God working through me in these decisions.
I'm sure, like me, the path you're traveling seems outrageously unclear sometimes, but I've found, God really does make it clear if you listen.

If you listen to people.

Listen to people! Listen to the people who have experienced what you're going through. And even those who haven't. If you listen to people, you'll learn more than you can imagine. You can gain knowledge, find comfort, and may even discover that the struggles you go through aren't solely your struggles. Time and time again, I find that the people I know are either going through, or have gone through the same things I'm experiencing in life. And by listening to someone say how they've traveled their own path, it can help you on your own path.

If you listen to God.

Most importantly, listen to God. If you listen to what God has already told you in His word, you'll realize how much He's already guiding you! God purposely wrote these things for his people. For YOU. You're supposed to read it. God meant for you to. His guidance is for you. So don't ignore it.

He doesn't want you to be in the dark. He always has a direction for you to go, and longs for you to follow. With this guidance, you can follow. So listen.

Just listen.

Unspoken Acknowledgement

I guess I think about things way too much.
Sorry if it seems like this blog turns to rambling. I guess that's kind of what it's for...

I'll try to make this short. I know it's easier to read something you can see the end of.
Lots of things happen when I'm walking my dog.
Today, I was walking our neighbor's dog, Murray.
And I quite honestly wouldn't be blogging about this if I hadn't been.

I've been walking Murray for a few weeks now because our neighbor has been in the hospital. His wife is usually gone all day at work, then goes straight to visit him there afterwards. So I take this cute little maltese for walks in the morning and afternoon, when I'm not at work.

And I didn't realize how much difference it made 'til today. As the sun glazed over the neighborhood, I pulled my feet down the sidewalk. I was tired, and I was hot, and I didn't feel like I was completely there, so it did kind of catch me a little off-guard. As I passed the aged-green house, the door opened and our elderly neighbor came out.

Now, you should know something. I seldom see anything go on in this house. I always see them mowing their lawn, or putting out their trash, or driving in or pulling away, but I never see anything going on inside. The curtains in the front window are generally drawn, and when they are open, all you can see is a simple centerpiece on the sill, and an empty wall behind it. So, yes, I was a little surprised when he opened the door and walked out. And yes, a little more surprised to find that he had actually come out to talk to me.

"You still have that other little dog of yours too, right?"
I looked down at Murray and realized what he was getting at.

"Oh, yes! We still have Annie! This is just our neighbor's dog."

I explained to him about their situation and why we were helping out.

"Well, that's good. I just hadn't seen her in a while is all. I enjoy seeing that dog; she's a character!"
I talked to him for a little while longer, then he went back inside and I kept walking. A grin kind of spread across my face for the rest of my walk with Murray. I couldn't help thinking about it.

I don't think I ever really realized how often the little things really do matter. I didn't realize my neighbor loved seeing our dog. For me, I just walked by their house every day and never even thought about it. MY dog brings JOY to another person's life. Who would've thought (especially my dog of all animals....haha.)!?

Man, I often miss so much! If only I would stop and think when I'm going about my day--stop to realize that people still do pay attention to what goes on in my life.

Stop and think.

The world doesn't always ignore you. People aren't always self-absorbed. They don't always care about just themselves. Even though you may feel like you could never command the attention of the world, people do notice you. Even though no one may ever say anything to you, you may still be impacting them in some way. And for all you know, it could be a HUGE way. So think about everything that you do, and everything that you say.

You do make a difference.
And people acknowledge your existence every day.
Even if it's just unspoken acknowledgement.

Running This Race

I've had no absence of thoughts lately about the life I'm living, and the race I'm running. I guess these are just some of my thoughts on my life verse: Hebrews 12:1-3.


"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses...."

We have fellow Christians at every side, those who have already run the race, and those who are running with us. Those who have seen Christ work, and have seen lives changed, and those whose eyes are just being opened to his works and his people in need. We are surrounded by Christians who struggle in the same ways we do, with doubt, with fear, with pain. Who often think about the same things we do, our future, the people around us, what to believe. People who are there, just like us, to talk to, to be talked to, to listen, and to listen to. If we don't realize that we're running the race TOGETHER, we will fall down. We will be overcome with the ache of isolation and will only realize that we are running in place. We will not get anywhere. We will not reach anyone. So, we cannot run alone.

"....let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles..."

Instead of looking back at the ugly things we've done. Instead of remembering the dirt that's been dealt to us, let us THROW it OFF. Let us erase it! Our slates have already been wiped clean, we are constantly given a second chance. A third chance. Even an eight-hundred thousand, three-hundred and ninety-second chance. God forgives. If we don't forgive ourselves, if we don't forgive OTHERS, if we don't move on and focus on the task we have, we will trip and fall in our tracks. GOD FORGIVES. We all fall short, we ALL mess up, but we are all given the chance to CHANGE that, to get up, and try again. If we get up with the same attitude, we get tangled right back up in what got us down in the first place. And we can't keep beating our heads against the wall! We MUST throw off everything that hinders. There is absolutely NO way we can run a race, if we carry a load larger than life. Give it up. Let it go. Leave it at God's feet. Completely.

You will run with more freedom and strength than you have ever run before.
"....and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us..."
Perseverance. We must be steadfast on this race! To quote the dictionary: we must be "resolute and unyielding holding on in following a course of action." We cannot run this race half-heartedly. We must be wholehearted!! We must have endurance and never give up. This is our life we are talking about. This is our purpose! We must run this race, for Jesus Christ, to shine as a light of who He is and what he has done, to further his kingdom and make him known among ALL nations, and to set an example to others of how we should be living, as imitators of Him alone!

So, perseverance is ESSENTIAL! If we fail to endure, if we decide to stop running, it means we are losing sight of our goal. We are forgetting why we are running. Maybe we need to stop for a drink, and catch our breath, but we cannot stop running for good. God will fill us

Persevere. Don't just walk. RUN THAT RACE. Be committed. Be dedicated. BE DEVOTED! For heavens sake, be enthusiastic and passionate! This is a race you are running to share eternity with Christ! So be steadfast and unwaivering. You have the strength, you have the arms to catch you if you trip and fall, what do you have to lose? Don't hesitate! Start running!


"....Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God..."

Why are we running?
We are free! We have been set free by the of Jesus, so we have everything to run for! We are running to be with him! We are running to find those who need him, and to find those who have not heard of his greatness! So that we can all run together... We are running because we are CALLED to run. We were made to run.
But, we are only able to run because Jesus has already run before us, and he has already prepared the way. We are free runners! Let's go!
"...Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

If we don't pace ourselves, our running will wear us out quickly. We will lose heart and fall.
God gives us the strength to run, and shows us the road to follow, even if that means going through valleys. If we follow Christ's example, if we live the way he calls us, he will set our feet on fire. If we trust him, if we give our lives to him, he will show us where to go.
But this means we must give him our WHOLE life. As Romans says, "Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."

Don't burn out! Keep yourselves fueled and on fire!

Prepare your heart. This race will be a hard one. It will be full of trials, but also full of unspeakable joy. Remember, this is your life, this is your purpose. Be alive!

Let's run this race!

Sunrise

If I had the chance to go back again,
take a different road,

bear a lighter load,
tell an easy story. . .

I would walk away
with my yesterdays
and I would not trade what is broken
for beauty only.

Every valley,
every bitter chill
made me ready to climb back up the hill
and find that . . .
You are sunrise!
You are blue skies!
How would I know the morning if I knew not midnight?

You’re my horizon,
You’re the light of a new dawn.

So thank You, thank You,
that after the long night,
You are sunrise.


There’s a moment when faith caves in,
there’s a time when every soul is certain
God is gone.
But every shadow is evidence of sun.

And every tomorrow holds out hope for us.
For every one of us.

You are sunrise!                   
You are blue skies! 
How would I know the morning 
 if I knew not midnight? 

You’re my horizon! 
You’re the light of a new dawn!  

So thank You, thank You!
           That after the long night, You are sunrise. . .  

You alone will shine.             
You alone can resurrect this heart of mine.

                   You are sunrise. . . 

-Nichole Nordeman "Sunrise"

Waving Goodbye

So, today I decided to pay a visit to my grandma. I know I should more often. I always put it off for some reason or another. Okay, I'll be honest: I know exactly why I always put it off.
My grandma's memory has been going for a long time. And even though I know that she has no control over it, it always hurts me when she forgets who I am, or forgets what she's said minutes earlier. She always recognizes me, and that I am SO grateful for, but I don't think she always realizes that I'm her grandchild.


Well, I really felt like I needed to go see her today. So my dad and I hiked the few blocks to her home. We visited with her for 15 minutes or so, since she was getting ready to go to lunch, and then took a short walk with her.
She said the things I usually hear from her, "My you're growing so! You're taller than me now!" and "How old are you now?"


Then she surprised me with a new one, with tears filling her eyes: "I can't believe how beautiful you are." And even though she forgot and said it again a few minutes later, it really got me.
REALLY got me. And so for the remaining few moments I had with her, I couldn't stop thinking. Despite all the things that happen, growing older and forgetting more and more, something strikes me: even with age, comes experience, comes forgiveness, comes a deeper meaning of love, comes more appreciation for the things that REALLY matter, comes thoughts about time, and comes floods of memories.


As we walked out, my dad told me to turn around. There was my grandma, waving at me. We kept walking, but my dad told me, his mom has done that has far back as he can remember. She waves up until the very last seconds she's with that person. I don't know if it's just her acknowledging their presence; my dad said he honestly didn't know why.


But I there I went thinking again (something I do quite a lot). It makes sense, acknowledging someone and making every moment count with them until the last second when they leave. Think about it. What if that time happens to be the last time you're with them? It's honestly, a kind of scary thought, I know, but seriously, we have no idea what the future holds, and what will happen. How long we'll be here, or how long the people we know will either...


It just made me think about what thoughts I leave with people, how much I treasure them, and what I can do to make every single moment count. Sounds sappy, yes, but next time someone waves to you. Think about it. You encounter every person for a reason.

Struck

Okay, I'll make this real quick, since I have to finish packing for summer camp today.
Yesterday evening, I decided to take a walk with Annie. I had already walked out the door, and realized that I had forgotten my cell-phone. I normally call friends when I'm walking my dog, just to take a break from my own life, and see what's going on in someone else's. But today, I guess, God didn't want me to take my cell-phone. Either that or I was too lazy to go back in the house and get it. I'm thinking it was more the former reason.
Anyhow, I stopped for a minute and said a quick prayer. I really needed time to be still, and let God flow over me. Boy, did he ever.

I didn't really feel it until I kept on walking. Instead of going the normal route, down the quiet, undisturbed end of our neighborhood, I went the other way. Ironically, our whole neighborhood (including the usually noisy, angry end) was rather peaceful. As I turned the corner, I noticed my hispanic neighbors playing in their yard. The dad kept on picking up his daughter, spinning her around with him and then landing her gently back onto the seat of her bicycle. I was approaching them, and to be honest, was feeling a little embarrassed walking right through their lives, just watching what they were doing. But as I neared the dad, I made the split-second decision to smile. Just smile.
And what came next surprised me. I don't know why it did either.
But the dad just smiled back. I don't mean a side, put-on-a-happy-face, smile. It was real, happy, and extremely genuine smile. It was meaningful in a way that proved me wrong. Proved to me, that not everyone hides and puts on a smile to make sure the world thinks they're happy.
For some reason, it just shattered everything I had previously expected from this person, and gave me a whole new perspective.

Makes me think about how truly narrow minded I can be. How I just EXPECT my world to always be against me, then I'm totally surprised when I find out that it's not always so horrible as it seems. And that other people are going through things too. That I'm not the only one.
Sometimes the world can be downright awful, and really push my optimism down the drain.
But I'm not one to leave it there. I can be incredibly pessimistic sometimes, but not a day goes by that I don't look into the future with hope, with confidence, and with determination.

To bring out the good in the world, and make known who makes it so good. Who made everything.

So, I kept walking. Now, I had already become washed over with a new perspective on life. Not in my own life, but actually someone else's (without talking on a cell-phone).
As I got about half-way around the block, the breeze starting blowing through my hair. It was one of those seriously PERFECT breezes. The perfect temperature, the perfect ferocity, and the perfect setting. Everything about it made me close my eyes, and drink it in.

I seriously couldn't believe how amazing it felt. I felt like God himself was raking his fingers through my hair, like he was holding me. And I don't think I could even describe how it made me feel. I completely forgot about everything I was going through--my struggles, my worries about the future, everything. And only one thing came to my mind--the one person I had been hoping would come, and wash over me, and just put me at peace--God. My Savior. My Refuge. My Hope. My Redeemer. My Father.

And all the things that I was thinking about and stressing over, completely dissolved. I was able to just STOP, be STILL, and think about the fact that my life was in His hands. I felt so helpless, but yet, at the same time, so loved. So cared for. So at home.

I finally came to the last turn around my block, and I turned around for a moment.
The sky was open, and the clouds lined in procession, were making way for the sun.

I gazed at it for a few minutes and just smiled. All this for us. All these wonderful people who come into our lives. All this beautiful creation to explore and maintain. All the experiences we go through in order to become closer to our Maker.

I often wonder why I don't stand dumbfounded and amazed at all of it everyday. Why I can't see how amazing God is DAILY. Every MINUTE, every SECOND of every day.

No breath without his giving it to me.
And that is humbling.
I was struck.

Inspiration

I had it all together in words while I pondered it earlier. But now, it seems that those sayings of seemingly deep importance, words that I feel would have made even the most intelligent minds stop to think, have floated off to some place... somewhere deeper. They will probably be stirred up again later, but in the present moment, it seems unfair! To have such words in your head, that remain long enough to spark intrigue, and determination, and inspiration, but then are pulled away before your mind can wrap its fingers around them to inspire others.

I often wonder if I have the same thoughts others do. I don't mean just simple, everyday thoughts.
Can I have thoughts that no one else on this earth can have?
If this is true, it makes the frustration of forgetting those deeply important words, even more discouraging.

Sometime it's incredibly hard for me to get my feelings across, especially my own words. How I feel, what I've experienced, what I love, who I am.

I have found a way to make it a little easier though--a way to get a least a piece of my mind across the void. Sometimes one person can't express their thought about something adequately enough. Since some people share their own thoughts, the people who do express their words adequately can spark the minds of those who have forgotten, and make their unspoken thoughts shine.

It is enlivening to hear the words of people who don't think the way I do, who are completely opposite of me, and who bring something to the table that I've never thought of.
But I am always sparked by the people who think the way I do, who write the way I want to, and who see things in the depth that I see them. People who perceive things differently.

When I read these individuals' writings, I feel like I have finally found something who has touched the depths of my soul--found someone who knew what I was thinking, and wanted to show me what they had already found.

So I can do the same.

You Can Shake The Mountains

Freedom comes in the morning time
as the sun begins to shine on my face,
and even in the dark,
I'm not alone.

You guide me by the hand, you won't let go.
And I know you'll carry me when I can't walk.


And you can shake the mountains with a whisper
And you, you speak, and
I fall at your feet

again.

You burned the chains off of my feet, that held me to the ground.

You let me rise,
don't ever let me come back down
or even live a day apart from you
'cause you lifted me higher than my doubts and fears.

And you can shake the mountains with a whisper
And you, you speak and I fall at your feet.
And you are so beautiful.
And I am so in love with you.


You, you lead and I will follow close behind.

Now I'm waiting here for you
and don't be far away tonight...

Lead me to the place where I can go and find rest
'cause I'm so tired.

And now let me feel your breath on my face.

You can shake the mountains with a whisper
And you, you speak and I fall at your feet
And you are so beautiful,
And I am so in love with you.

You, you lead and I will follow close behind.

-Lifehouse

Waves Crashing Over Me

It's time for healing, time to move on.

         It's time to fix what's been broken too long.
                           Time make right what has been wrong.

It's time to find my way to where I belong
       There's a wave that's crashing over me
            
And all I can do is surrender.

Whatever You're doing inside of me, 
             it feels like chaos but somehow 
                                             there's peace.

It's hard to surrender to what I can't see, 
                      but I'm giving in to something Heavenly.

Time for a milestone,
     time to begin again,
            re-evaluate who I really am.

Am I doing everything to follow Your will
              or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?

So show me what it is You want from me
I give everything I surrender to
          whatever You're doing inside of me.

It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace.
             It's hard to surrender to what I can't see, 
                        
                      but I'm giving in 
                                to something Heavenly.

Time to face up, clean this old house.
            Time to breathe in and 
                                 let 
                                    everything 
                                             out

                             that I've wanted to say for so many years.


            Time to release all my held back tears.

Whatever You're doing inside of me, it feels like chaos,
             but I believe you're up to something bigger than me,
                                          larger than life... 
                                                  something Heavenly.

Whatever You're doing inside of me,
        it feels like chaos but now I can see that 
                               this is something bigger than me,
                                         larger than life...
                                                 something Heavenly.
Something Heavenly.

It's time to face up, 
     clean this old house.



Time to breathe in
                   and let everything out.

Whatever You're Doing // (Sanctus Real)

Just One Of Those Days

One of my neighbor's got locked out of the house by her boyfriend today. On purpose. She just stood there pounding and yelling (softly, if that's possible to understand), anger and exasperation tearing her voice.


And of course, there I was, in my backyard, diagonal from hers, sitting on my patio, "inconspicuously." Except for the fact that my dumb dog is howling.


Well, that makes her turn around, and there I am, just awkwardly placed in the whole picture. So what do I do?


Well, who knows what took hold of me, but I just stared down at my feet and closed my eyes, hoping that she'd go back to her pounding, and forget about me. She did go back to her pounding. Who knows what she thought of me.


After that, I tried my best to gather up my awkwardness and walk inside, leaving my neighbor and her life behind me.


And I couldn't help it.
It had me thinking for the rest of the day.
Mainly about a quote I heard once by Johnathan Wesley.


"Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.”


I pray that God allows me another opportunity to talk to my neighbor.
I regret not gathering up my awkwardness and walking the OTHER direction, towards my neighbor, instead of into my house.


I guess in many ways, awkwardness is just a hindrance that keeps us from doing the things we need to do.


Next time I'll be gathering up my courage instead, thank you.

Someone To Talk To

I need someone to talk to. I need to tell someone that I can't live a single moment without thinking about how it affects the rest of my life, my future.

Without wondering if someone else, somewhere, has ever gone through what I have, or thought what I'm thinking, or dreamt what I'm dreaming, or felt what I'm feeling. I just want someone to know that sometimes, I feel completely misunderstood. Like I've got so much to say, but can never get it out.

I need to tell someone that every moment I experience, every day that goes by, every person I encounter, affects my entire life. Every small thing I see makes me wonder how blind I can really be. And it hurts to realize how ignorant and inexperienced I am. At the same time, it's very eye opening, and life changing. It frequently reminds me what I've forgotten: why I'm living. And I so often get caught up in each moment that hurts, each pain that I feel, each burden I carry, that I forget that I'm not the only one living. I'm NOT the only one.

I need someone to talk to, so that I can explain, that though the lives in this world feel like fragments that are never complete, we all matter. The pain in this world causes me to find new meaning in my life each day. To search for things that I can do to be more than who I feel I am, but to be who I was made to be. Things that allow me to step outside myself.

I need to tell someone that I WANT to change the world, I just don't know where to start. And I can't do it by myself, but I am NOT alone. I am surrounded by LIFE. By lives that long for the same things I do.

I need someone to talk to so that I can tell someone that I can't go through something that changes my life and then just forget it. Experiences cause you to ponder your life and think about who you really are. Who are you?